I've spent years helping others navigate the gap between achievement and aliveness and right now, I'm navigating it myself. This newsletter is where that happens in real time: honest writing about the messy middle, the questions worth sitting with, and what it looks like to let life lead when certainty takes a leave of absence. If you're somewhere between who you were and who you're becoming, pull up a chair. Oh, yeah - I am an ICF Certified Coach, a Certified Enneagram Professional, focus on leadership development with a customized path to Emotional Intelligence through the wisdom of the Enneagram and I created the Depletion to Fulfillment framework.
Wanting what you have (and what the Dalai Lama actually meant)
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Hello Reader, Welcome to the conversation. Some people's fulfillment looks like living in a cave on a mountain, meditating in silence all day long. Some people's looks like running a billion-dollar company, or a country. Some people's is a paid-off house and a quiet Tuesday. All of it can be true. All of it can be fulfillment. The only question that actually matters: is it yours, or is it someone else's definition you've been running on autopilot? From My Chair to YoursA few weeks ago I started a new job that put me in front of a screen all day, every day. Within a few hours on the first day, I knew something was off with my eyes. Turned out my prescription had been slightly out of date for years. Each exam showed a small change, easy enough to ignore, and I never got around to filling it. Then, all at once, it was clear. I couldn't see well enough to get through the day. It reminded me of something that happened years earlier, long before I could have put words to it this cleanly. For a long stretch of my life, "how are you?" got the same answer on autopilot: busy but good. Not just a status update. A coat of arms. Busy meant important. Busy meant valuable. The "but good" was doing the real work, quietly promising I hadn't let the busy become a problem. There was no single collapse, no dramatic burnout scene. But there was a moment. Sitting outside a radio station I'd loved working at for a long time, not wanting to go in. Wondering what I actually did all day, and whether any of it meant anything. I had the title. The money. The high-visibility job. I sold air. The drift had been happening for years by then, small and easy to ignore, the same way each eye exam's change was small and easy to ignore. Then, all at once, it was clear. I didn't want to walk in that building. The LensThe Dalai Lama has a line: happiness is wanting what you have. It's often heard as an instruction to want less, to settle, to stop reaching. I don't think that's what it's pointing at. You can't want what you have until you know whether you chose it, or inherited it and never checked. That's the real engine behind Depletion. We talk about the loop like exhaustion comes from wanting too much or reaching too far. Sometimes. Just as often, it comes from spending yourself on a want that was never yours, running someone else's definition of success through your own body and calling it ambition. That kind of wanting doesn't sustain you, because there's nothing underneath it that's actually yours to draw from. Deflation is the moment the borrowed prescription gets exposed. You arrive somewhere, the title, the number, the milestone, and instead of arrival, you feel hollow. That hollowness isn't a flaw. It's data. It's the tell that you got somewhere you didn't choose. Integration is the audit that follows: is this mine, or did I inherit it? Asked over and over, one piece at a time. Some answers will surprise you both ways. You'll find wants that are fiercely yours underneath the noise, and ones you've carried so long you forgot they were never a choice. Fulfillment isn't a specific destination. Not the cave, the company, or the paid-off house. It's what's available once you're wanting the thing you actually chose, cave, company, or quiet Tuesday, all structurally equal, as long as the choosing was real. More on the Depletion to Fulfillment framework I'm developing, here. Reflection
Until we see each other again, I hope you have a powerful day. -Joanna Joanna Douglas P.S. If reading this stirred something, that's worth paying attention to. Core Lens is ninety minutes built for exactly this audit. If you're ready to do the work, not just read about it, reply to this email or book a Core Lens session and let's find out what's actually yours. |
Joanna Douglas
I've spent years helping others navigate the gap between achievement and aliveness and right now, I'm navigating it myself. This newsletter is where that happens in real time: honest writing about the messy middle, the questions worth sitting with, and what it looks like to let life lead when certainty takes a leave of absence. If you're somewhere between who you were and who you're becoming, pull up a chair. Oh, yeah - I am an ICF Certified Coach, a Certified Enneagram Professional, focus on leadership development with a customized path to Emotional Intelligence through the wisdom of the Enneagram and I created the Depletion to Fulfillment framework.
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