Hello Reader,

Welcome to the conversation.

Viktor Frankl was a psychiatrist, a philosopher, and a Holocaust survivor. He lost nearly everything: his family, his freedom, his manuscript, the life he had built. And in the middle of unimaginable suffering, inside a Nazi concentration camp, he made a discovery that would change the way we understand what it means to be human.

He found the pause.

That space, that tiny, sovereign space, between what happens to you and how you respond to it. He wrote that in that space lies our freedom. Our growth. Our power to choose who we are regardless of what is being done to us.

If he could find it there, we can find it anywhere.

Even on a hard Tuesday. Even in a difficult marriage. Even in a season when everything you worked for feels like it slipped through your fingers overnight.

“ Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms, to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances. — Viktor Frankl

From My Chair to Yours

I want to tell you about a moment during my deflation season that I'm not particularly proud of.

In case you're new, here's a little back story: something had shifted in my business, circumstances outside my control, the kind that arrive without warning and leave you standing in the wreckage wondering what just happened. And in one particular moment, I felt the full force of it. The anger, the grief, the how did I get here of it all. And instead of pausing, I reacted. Not to another person but to myself. The story I told myself in that moment was not kind. It was not fair. And it sent me deeper into the spiral rather than through it.

I knew better. I teach this. And I still missed the pause.

Here's what I've learned from that: knowing the pause exists and being able to find it in real time are two entirely different skills. One is intellectual. The other is practiced. And practice means you will miss it sometimes. The point is not perfection. The point is that you keep coming back to it.

The pause was there even when I couldn't find it. It is always there. That's the promise.

The Lens

The pause is not a concept. It is a location.

And like any location, you can learn to find it, even when you're activated, even when everything in you wants to react right now.

First, find your signal. Your body tells you before your mind does that you've been triggered. Heat rising in your chest. Jaw tightening. A sudden flatness. Whatever yours is, that signal is your invitation to pause. You identified it in last week's reflection. This is where it becomes useful.

Then, buy yourself three seconds. Not a meditation retreat. Not a visible deep breath. Just three seconds of not responding yet. You can say let me think about that and mean it. Three seconds is enough to move from reaction to choice.

Finally, ask one question. What do I actually want to happen here? That question interrupts the autopilot and pulls you into intention. It is the difference between reacting and responding, between the person you are under pressure and the person you are choosing to be.

Signal. Three seconds. One question.

Frankl didn't find his pause in comfortable circumstances. He found it in conditions we can barely imagine. Which means the pause is not a luxury available only when life is going well. It is available to you right now, exactly as things are.

Reflection

This week, set one intention before a situation you know will be challenging. A difficult conversation you've been avoiding. A meeting that tends to go sideways. A person who reliably pushes your buttons.

Before you walk in, say this to yourself: I will find the pause.

Not, I will be perfect. Not, I will not get triggered. Just, I will find the pause. Even for three seconds. Even imperfectly.

And afterward, notice. Did you find it? Did you miss it and then find it two minutes later? Did you miss it entirely and that's okay too?

The pause is a practice, not a performance. And every time you come back to it (even after missing it) you are doing the work.

Until we see each other again, I hope you have a powerful day.

-Joanna

Joanna Douglas
Conscious Leadership Coach, Speaker, Teacher Founder of Enneagram Ensight